Perseverance through disheartenment
For the most part, I’ve always let my insecurities get the better of me. I’ve always been anxious of being judged by the people around me for the things I’ve done, and because of this I’ve been afraid to put myself out there. However in starting my blog, things were beginning to change. Starting out my blog, I knew that I had to keep it as honest as possible. If I want to achieve the goal I had set out to when I started, I couldn’t shy away from showing every detail of my story, even the parts I don’t like.
Even though my blog is still in its infancy, I have already noticed a new found confidence in myself. Being able to write down my thoughts, my worries and my anxieties and put it out on a public platform where others can read it, has given me the relief I didn’t realise how much I needed. Even though it does feel daunting at times, it has been so comforting hearing from people who have read my posts tell me that they feel the same as I do, making this burden of loneliness, feel much less lonely.
In an argument I had recently, the words I put on my platform were weaponised and used against me. This completely crushed me. I felt so incredibly low, that all my fears of judgement became a bitter reality and I realised I was the same scared, anxious man I was before I began writing. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, I was scared because I felt that if I were to continue with my blog, documenting the introspection of my life changes and pursuit of self-improvement, then I would merely be increasing the arsenal of which I could be attacked.
But I can’t let that stop me, when I let go of the anxious, insecure person I am, I can become what I want to be. And that’s what I realised; courage isn’t just a matter of not being frightened, its being afraid yet doing it regardless. Even though what I am doing isn’t anything spectacular, for me it is something I have had to build up the courage to do. Yes, I have hit a bump in the road and whilst I am sure that there are more bumps ahead, this is something I need to do for myself.